honestly... i'm seriously having a sense of lost... like... the phobia is overwhelming... i may seem to be fine.. like all the time? but these days are like a total hell to me. the phobia in me kept occuring, over and over again without letting me have a break. [ ppl that do not know my phobia.. don't ask.. my good friends should know. ] i know from young i had this phobia.. and that whenever my Maid is around, i wont actually feel that kind of phobia? and like to me, my maid that i have last time, she is not just a maid....
To me, she was actually like a very very VERY best friend i had that will be staying over at my house for a long time. she was here with me since i was born till i think primary 5. last time she was my everything. watching over me and taking care of my as parents are like.... you know... and so... in my family.. actually, she is the person i put first at place. you all might wonder why.. like she is just a maid or something... honestly... i have no idea why.. maybe that's just how close we are.
many years have passed already and she is not around with me, my phobia has always been there but before that, there was a period where it did not occur that frequently... and like it's getting worse again.. however, this time round, things are not the same anymore.... i don't have such best best best BESTEST friend in my life? like my maid[beth] and that my parents sucks? especially my mum. and that... my best friends around now may just mood swing or turn their back on my anytime?
i'm not trying to say that my best friends now sucks or anything.. that's not the main point.. the thing is.. when my phobia comes, i have really no one to turn to and i have to keep quiet and bear with it. i don know how the fear in me occur... and i don't know how to make it go away either? and what's worst is i'm stuck with myself. even at home the phobia occuring... what does this actually show? i have 2 kinds of phobia, first is to boys and second is the feeling of lost.. i can even feel the feeling of lost at home?!
i seriously wonder am i actually a part of my family or not... my mum is simply like shit? can u believe that my mum actually didn't bother to ask how is my camp and stuff as i just get back from camp and up till now i have not even said a word to my mother. i seriously don't know what to do. Cry? tears are rolling down my cheeks... because i don't know what is a family. pathetic aye? whatever i do seems to be always wrong in the family.. who can like help me? all i can do is smile like an idiot bluffing myself to think that i'm damn happy.
im... lost.....
The Ugly Duckling
Im MeeN
And im 16 this year
Want presents on 21st June
I'm a really straight forward person
And i'm Effin Kind alrite?!?! xD
Ok... that's if you're nice to me as well though.. ^^
IM SUPER FRIENDLY TOO!! ;DD
if sometimes i'm lazy to post about my daily life, i'll post stuff about myself like quizzes and tests that i've done so that more peeps will be able to know more about me!!
Super Temperamental and it's like very hard to understand and know what's going on in my mind..
Mood can change in a blink of an eye.. and it can really change to the extreme!
- Backstabbers
- Liars
- Hypocrite
- Garlic
- Acting cute
- Onion
- Stuff toys
- Mushroom
- MY FAMILY
- Guys that use waist bags
- Party SPOILERS
- Overly broken english
- Chinese
- Being caught in the middle
- Being sad
- Ppl that thinks i'm acting
- Sticking to the Rules!
Being HappyAlways is ME! XD
My Mini Chocolate Shop
All pricing of chocs are counted by PER piece.
choices of nuts are Almond or Hazel nut
semi-sweeten dark chocs [$0.50]
semi-sweeten dark chocs with nuts [$0.70]
white chocs [$0.70]
white chocs with nuts [$1]
half dark half white [$1]
half dark half white with nuts [$1.50]
if you want your choc to be customise, letters can be added on one letter per choc.
each letter will have an additional add of [$0.30]
for ordering, please state clearly what type of nuts you want and the rest of the information clearly.
Thanks You!! XD
MeeN
Wishy List! Grant them!! xD
New school bag New specs Apple earpiece Bouquet of flowers
Piano
Personalise mirror
Table full of b'day cakes
Hair food
New sling bag school shoes
More Beads
A globe
Outing shoes
New desk
New handphone
More clothes!!
Watch
Wii Pencil case Psp fatty
Psp slim
Wii
Laptop
