MeeN RocKs!!

Saturday, November 29, 2008

where are u... i'm lost......

honestly... i'm seriously having a sense of lost... like... the phobia is overwhelming... i may seem to be fine.. like all the time? but these days are like a total hell to me. the phobia in me kept occuring, over and over again without letting me have a break. [ ppl that do not know my phobia.. don't ask.. my good friends should know. ] i know from young i had this phobia.. and that whenever my Maid is around, i wont actually feel that kind of phobia? and like to me, my maid that i have last time, she is not just a maid....

To me, she was actually like a very very VERY best friend i had that will be staying over at my house for a long time. she was here with me since i was born till i think primary 5. last time she was my everything. watching over me and taking care of my as parents are like.... you know... and so... in my family.. actually, she is the person i put first at place. you all might wonder why.. like she is just a maid or something... honestly... i have no idea why.. maybe that's just how close we are.

many years have passed already and she is not around with me, my phobia has always been there but before that, there was a period where it did not occur that frequently... and like it's getting worse again.. however, this time round, things are not the same anymore.... i don't have such best best best BESTEST friend in my life? like my maid[beth] and that my parents sucks? especially my mum. and that... my best friends around now may just mood swing or turn their back on my anytime?

i'm not trying to say that my best friends now sucks or anything.. that's not the main point.. the thing is.. when my phobia comes, i have really no one to turn to and i have to keep quiet and bear with it. i don know how the fear in me occur... and i don't know how to make it go away either? and what's worst is i'm stuck with myself. even at home the phobia occuring... what does this actually show? i have 2 kinds of phobia, first is to boys and second is the feeling of lost.. i can even feel the feeling of lost at home?!

i seriously wonder am i actually a part of my family or not... my mum is simply like shit? can u believe that my mum actually didn't bother to ask how is my camp and stuff as i just get back from camp and up till now i have not even said a word to my mother. i seriously don't know what to do. Cry? tears are rolling down my cheeks... because i don't know what is a family. pathetic aye? whatever i do seems to be always wrong in the family.. who can like help me? all i can do is smile like an idiot bluffing myself to think that i'm damn happy.

im... lost.....

Saturday, November 22, 2008

errr..... hmm.. how to put it... just realise the illness i got... and... it cannot be cured... so yeah.. hahas... i have psoriasis... so guess... though it can't be recovered... well... life still goes on!! xD

ok.. today my darling cousin Dion came over to my house!!!! well... her Jc prom is coming up and that she came my house to ask if i can make a necklace out of beads just for her "UNIQUE" HOT PINK TUBE DRESS~! woots~~~!!! first time hearing my cousin wear something so revealing hahas!!! so well, she said her since its a tube, the top part seems to be very bare and so she wanted me to make her a necklace... and.... so.... of cuz i did!! xD what are cousins for manzxz!! hahas!! XD

well... at first there was some problem going on with Ashley[stead] and that she had called me up crying... "tsk tsk tsk... those that made her cry uh... aiyo......." ok... so i taught my cousin what's my design that i design for her and stuff and teach her everything so that she can do the beads while i can know more about what happen over at Ashley's side....

after awhile... [ and the awhile is like after a few hours -.-'' more then 3 hours... ] my cousin did the beads and stuff and realise the string was too short to continue!! -.-'' and then messed the whole thing up... so... she was kinda disappointed in a way... as she took more then 3 hours and in the end nothing is done... and so.. i was like... uh... it's ok la.. we can do again ^^

and so i cut up everything and use a new piece of string that is DAMN long... lolxD and do up everything. ^^ and sooo...... here's the end product!! my cousin wore it to let me see and i took a pic!! she was really really happy like some freak crazy asshole. LOL!

The necklace i made out of beads... with Dion my cousin wearing it!! =D

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

hahas... eh... i don't know how to put it... hurt? or just plain unhappiness? i sometimes wonder myself. i had some sickness with my skin and my bone... wanted to go visit a doc.. like on tuesday.. but my good friend suddenly turn me down as she said she've got to celebrate her friend's birthday.

so i was like.. "oh ok.. hahas birthday is more impt.. not prob ^^" then my good friend said.. "oh well, i'll go with u on thursday instead =D" and im like sure no prob! lets go on thursday then! xD and like today she text me saying that she can't go with me on thursday which it's like tmr.. so i was like.. "oh.. anything cropped up at the last min?" and my good friend was like.. " yeah.. blah blah blah.. ask me to have lunch with her and so i cant follow u to the doc tmr."

ok... i don't know if it is right for me to get kinda unhappy because like.... my good friend can't accompany me to the doc because my good friend has to go have lunch with her friend. and so i said.. " its alrite ^^ having lunch is impt =D " and so i just try to let go and drop the matter.. after that, i went to ask my mother[REAL] to accompany me to the doc.. and she said.. "NO... i'm going facial tmr"

i..... hahas... i'm speechless.......

Monday, November 17, 2008

well, i guess im over it?
i doubt that even if i give it my all,
nothing will happen between us.
all wishful thinking yeah?
oh well, don't wanna get hurt.
guess i'm over it. xD

YAY!! today P.. edmund came back from M'sia!! LOL!! don't ask my why i so "high" thanks. hahas!! ok then... today, went out with ashley, amanda[mummy], leon and jianxiong for movie... and i kept De-Siao-ing jianxiong because FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I ACTUALLY HEAR HIM SAYING HE IS GOING OUT WITH A GIRL ALONE!! sounds crazy rite? see jianxiong always like so guai guai like that.. hahas!! ok.. then in the end.. Ashley and Amanda[mummy] all De-Siao him as well.. kinda funny in a way la.. since we all can take jokes. ^^

after that... went to walk around and laugh laugh laugh like nobody's business and then... HOME! =D hahas!!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

can never tell what's gonna happen next.
since the key has already been taken.
being not able to enter,
the feeling is miserable.
Being the last to know,
realise it was one of my bestie that entered.

Woots!! today went to celebrate WeiMei's birthday although her actual birthday is like not today... but well, everyone else have no time to spare on any other days. so... celebration is today!!! ;DDD ok first we decided to go out the whole day! but then due to some probs over on weimei's side with her parents, we're only allowed to go out for a few hours.. like... 4 hours. yeah!! so we the MAIN meeting time with weimei is 1pm at tiong plaza. =D

the peeps that came to celebrate the birthday were... cherlyn, magbelle, amanda[mummy], choypeng[ahma], angel[great grand ahma], jianxiong[great grand ah gong] and of course ME!! ;DDD cherlyn, magbelle and i decided to meet earlier to prepare some stuff for the stupid and crap surprise!! LOL! because since it's a girl, can't have birthday bash yeah? so.... in other words, it did not mean NO PUNISHMENT! there is!!! LOL! cherlyn, magbelle and i design a banner to hang it on weimei. LOL! it's kind cute la.. then the actual thing was suppose to be like blindfolding her and walking around.

first we went to popular bookstore to buy all the stuff we needed... bought things like vengard sheet[not sure correct spelling or not -.-''], markers and scissors!! ok... paid everything, then went up to 6th floor to work on the beautiful master piece... hahas!!! ok.. then only when we are about to start drawing and stuff, we realise we forgot to buy glue!!! then later heard that edmund is coming over to tiong so i called him to buy glue. but after sometime, weimei called me up saying she have already reached. The 3 of us are in a panicked state?! because the banner was not even done yet. so i took the present that was gonna be given to weimei.. which is a dress from double index XD and to make her wear it. weimei went to the toilet and of course i waited for her... ;DDD

when i was waiting for her, i receive a call from kelvin which was ALREADY with yuehan long ago.. saying that he saw amanda at grillers.. and ask me if i would want to go up to find amanda[mummy] or not. at start, i was happy!! like duh? like amanda[mummy] was here at tiong together with choypheng[ahma] and angel[great grand ahma]. so i WANTED to go up to grillers to find them... BUT THEN suddenly there was a voice at the back of the phone saying... "walau eh... kelvin... why you ask her come sia.." which was obviously yuehan's voice? and the next moment i heard it, like duh? i was effin pissed la. why would i go when some jackass just said such a thing as though im not welcome.

so.... i showed kelvin attitude.[ abit no link la.. cause it's not like his fault.. but oh well.. he got my bomb.. too bad.. LOL! ] i just scolded him on the phone saying.. "if someone don't wan me to come. i so asshole go show up for wat!"[wanted to scold bad word... but i didn't XD] after saying, i just hang the call feeling kinda piss off. after weimei done changing, in order to store more time for cherlyn and magbelle to complete everything, brought weimei to walk around tiong aimlessly... hahas!!! it's kinda crap la.. so after i called them and said if they are done so that weimei and i can go to the 6th floor to meet them up.[ well... glad they we smart enough to hide everything that was done XD ]

so now... cherlyn, magbelle, weimei and i are all at the 6th floor.. [ and as for the banner thing... glue was not needed as we draw directly into the vengard sheet and so its not like some cut and paste thing. ] after that we decided that we're all done at tiong so we decide to proceed to vivo.. when we're on the lift down, edmund called me up asking me where i am. so i asked him back where is he. then he said.. "u tell me u at 6th floor mah. of course i'm at 6th floor la." then i'm like... " WTH?! im in the lift going down?!?!" so.. after that.. the girls all went up to 6th floor again.

saw edmund, kelvin and yuehan.... when edmund pass me the glue, i seriously can't stand it that i really LMAO... and its serious!! i am like LAUGHING ME ASS OFF!!! LOL! you know what glue edmund bought?! he bought SUPER glue!! LOL! hahas!! i'm really sorry la.. it may not be really funny to you guys.. but seriously lor!! it's like the first time to me la!!! someone actually bought SUPER glue... hahas!!!! ok then... yuehan and i are kinda cold towards each other lately..[as in Friendship -.-'' ] and so.. only smile at him... then later kelvin talked to me.. so yeah i've like got to stop laughing to reply him.. after kelvin talk to me, edmund came talking to me.. but i can't help it... because of the super glue thing.. i see edmund face i will laugh like CRAZY la!!! LOL!

then later, kelvin talks to me again and i stop laughing and replied him.. and then edmund talks, i laugh again!! LOL!!! okok.. then edmund was like.. " MEEN! U R SO BIAS!! U TALK TO KELVIN SO NICE U TALK TO ME ONLY LAUGH LIKE SIAO! " [ i'm sorry la.. seriously very funny.. hahas!! ] so after that i tried to calm down and talk to him.. LOL!! soon we all got out of 6th floor and then cherlyn was thirsty so magbelle and weimei accompanied her to go get a drink. =] so after that i was like.. oh.. ok lets go see if amanda[mummy] is still there or not.. and oh well, she is! xD so went in to have a chat with them.. and kelvin is like suppose to join in the celebration. BUT HE PS! hahas cant blame anymore la... he is too well known for being a PSK le.. so no point being angry =D

after that was trying to fix up the banner thingy.. so i asked cherlyn, magbelle and weimei to go vivo. then soon after amanda, angel, choypheng and i we to vivo to meet them up too! then... eh.. jianxiong was already there cause of some reasons... [ SORRY! =X ] lolxD and then after all was at vivo, the celebration start!! muahahahha!! there are 2 pics to show that can explain everything xD.

this is weimei with the banner xD [front view]

weimei with banner on... [backview] =D

you don't needa feel very PAISEH or what.. because honestly, what's there to be PAISEH for when it's your birthday? you are suppose to be proud of it! SMILEYS! xD

what words can be use to describe?
who can understand how i'm feeling?
even if u said there's no love for her,
you are so popular.
being able to pick what you like,
not lacking of any.
why did i fall for you?
i don't know....

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

If a miracle ever happens to me,
i guess it would be a fairytale come true.
But everything shattered into pieces,
the place has already been filled.
What makes it so hard to let go?

Well, today friends came my house!! =D did a whole lot of cleaning packing and throwing of stuffs!! woots~!! ok la.. everything was quite fun. but really tire after that... =P and then i realise we were all so damn hungry that i actually forget the time and no one reminded me!! -.-'' hahas!! okok then i quickly get changed and pack my stuff back and my friends and i went to tiong for lunch!! chat a lot... and there are like people EMO-ing... people busy SMS-ing... and of course i must be busy eating. hahas~! XD

oh well.. after that went for choir and then..... blah blah blah. then came home! =D ok.. then i don't really know what's wrong with my family? hehs... but it's alright!! xD can't let small things like this to make me sulk the whole night. so.... after awhile, IM FINE! ;DDD lol!! then after that it was already quite late... so just rot right in front of my computer feeling happy that my room looks neater.... [ although some ppl just don't appreciate the efforts of what my friends and i have done. ] =D

some pics of the spring cleaning!! xD hahas!!

All the cards were played,
can't change the fact of the ending.
Though it hurts so much,
there's nothing that can be done.
Been years since i met the one,
but i've got no choice.
I've got to let it go....

Monday, November 10, 2008

i just wanna say that my brother SUCKS. i was always being nice to him.. well, to say nicer then before, and believe me. i was SO MUCH NICER! thinking that he would know how to appreciate everything that i had done and at least feel grateful. but i was really dumb founded when he just shout in front of my face. i makes me wonder over and over again.. is it worth it to spend so much time and effort to be nice to someone that i love just hopping that he would do the same.

but through this, i've learned my lesson and that all the tears i dropped now will stop after this event. a dream or hope, will always remain as it is. really really really hurted. maybe i'm weak? i don't know.. i just feel that everyone in my family sucks... i always wanna believe that they are really nice to me and blah blah blah... but i realise i was just bluffing no one but myself...... and i can tell no one about this? supposingly i was cleaning my room and clearing some stuff.. but because my bro raise his voice at me and was so hurt that i can just tear and stop everything im doing just to blog about it?

guess it affects me a lot yeah? how i wish i won't have feelings.. i don't wanna feel sad or be hurt. and its the best if i have no emotion. because i don wanna be hurt and i don mind paying the price of not being happy too.. oh well, don wanna think too much. just be me and me and things will go FINE! xD so.. just continue loving ba =D

Sunday, November 9, 2008

as life is boring, today i really wanna thank a special someone that has always been there for me. although i don't know the person in real life... but i have know the person online for like.. already more then 3 years? and that's real real long ok... why am i talking about this? it's because usually online friends, as some may know though games. usually when u stop playing a certain game, even if u added your friend in msn. through time and time again, the friendship may drift as there is no more common topic for you and your friend to talk about.

but for my this friend Guo Jie. i knew him when i was like playing maple? and like as you know, i've stop playing maple for don't know how many years already. but guess what, we're like still talking? XD and that's really like a damn great thing.. although now a days he has been playing dota. but ya.. and im talking bout this friend because he is someone that is not easily found that is like damn kind can? i talked more bout it later. about Guo Jie, as you all know.. i am like so freaking lousy in my chinese?! and so sometimes when i was like typing to him. and wanted to call him... i like accidentally typed it wrongly and i called him Gou Jie. -.-''

i know it's like pretty embarassing by calling someone's name like that.. and still have that person HIMSELF to correct me >.<>

and like its already like 12plus AM in the like morning? and hey.. we're not like talking weekends? its like weekdays. so means the next day we all have school. Guo Jie is a year older then me and he is in NA. but for his school, he was pro in maths and he is like a NA taking Amaths.. yeah.. and like he actually helped me in my Amaths.. when its already so late at nite. [ im stating about this because not many friends would even do that even if that person is your good friend. ] and im seriously not saying this for fun. because as you know... i am like really blur? and like since he is a online friend. we don't like call each other? and like you know if good friends, they will like try to explain to you in msn and stuff like that?

BUT just because im DAMN BLUR, i don't even get a thing he said in msn... -.-'' [ i know.. im very crap -.-'' ] yeah... usually by this point of time, most friends would have said things like.. " aiya.. then i don't know how to help u liao.." or like.. " its late already.. i needa go sleep.. have school tmr.. " you know like stuff like that usually occurs? but to Guo Jie, he did not. he actually tried to explain over and over and over more then like 10 times? and like just because i don't get it, he actually went to do it on a paper and scan into his computer JUST to send it to me so that i can take what he do as reference.. and like when i recieve the thing from msn after he sented me, i was more touched because he actually bored to write like very big? being afraid that i'm unable to see clearly. its like usually ppl use 1 line? but he uses like 2 lines..

Monday, November 3, 2008

i m so so SO sorry!!! because i did not actually like update my blog yeah... its because i have been rotting at home ALMOST everyday? and ok la.. it was quite fun hahas!! but still kinda bored... and so ya ya ya.. and blah blah blah.. spended most of my time with a guy which i love/hate at times... and that is none other then BERNARD! TSK TSK!!! i see u study i can die la!!

can study study study until sleep?!?! PRO! hehs!! last time during my exams, u ask me to study study study!! and now is YOUR TURN!! hahas!! since u r having ur A lvls... i will also call u to STUDY STUDY STUDY!! XD and thanks for "TRYING" to help me find my earring... but in the end only wanna lie on my bed!! -.-'' hahas!! ;DDD although still can't find... but thanks! =]

last of all... tmr meeting PMFA... woots!! and and and, for YOU nare, jia you for your paper Tomorrow!!! xD best of luck! ^^